Coaching Neurodivergent Leaders: How to Create Truly Inclusive and Affirming Coaching Practices

What Is Neurodivergence?

Neurodivergence describes people whose brains work differently from what is considered typical. This can affect how they process information, communicate, and regulate emotions or energy. Originally, the term referred to conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and Tourette’s. Over time, it has expanded to include a wider range of brain differences, including anxiety, OCD, and sensory processing differences.

Neurodivergence isn’t a checklist. Each person is different. Two people with ADHD may have very different needs and strengths. That’s why coaching neurodivergent leaders can’t rely on assumptions or generalisations.

Common Coaching Assumptions to Avoid

Many coaches begin their work with good intentions. But even the best coaches carry unconscious biases. These might include assumptions like:

• Expecting everyone to solve problems in the same way or at the same speed
• Assuming a person with a diagnosis will behave like others with the same diagnosis
• Thinking someone with autism may lack empathy
• Believing all neurodivergent people are rigid or black-and-white thinkers

To coach neurodivergent leaders well, these assumptions must be challenged. The goal is not to label, but to understand the person in front of you.

Affirming vs. Inclusive Coaching: Why Both Matter

Two key ideas in coaching neurodivergent leaders are affirmation and inclusion. These are related but different:

Neuro-affirming coaching means recognising and accepting a person as they are. It tells them, “You are enough. You don’t need to change who you are.” Affirmation is about psychological safety. It shows up in how we listen, respond, and create space for clients to be themselves.

Neuro-inclusive coaching means making adjustments so that the person can fully take part in the coaching process. This could mean offering written notes after a session, being flexible with session formats, or adjusting communication styles. Inclusion says, “You are welcome here, and I’ll make space for you.”

Both are needed. Affirmation without inclusion doesn’t remove barriers. Inclusion without affirmation can still leave a person feeling judged or misunderstood. Good coaching includes both.

Understanding Spinach and Kryptonite

One way to think about strengths and challenges is through the metaphor of “spinach” and “kryptonite.” Spinach is what energises a person. Kryptonite is what drains them. Neurodivergent people often have a “spiky profile” – areas of strong ability and areas of significant difficulty.
Coaches should not look for a list of traits or symptoms. Instead, ask:

• What gives this person energy?
• What tasks or environments make things harder?

By identifying a leader’s spinach and kryptonite, you can focus on strategies that support their strengths while managing their challenges.

Practical Tips for Coaching Neurodivergent Leaders

• Start by Asking.
  Don’t assume what someone needs. Ask open but gentle questions:
  • What would help you feel supported in our sessions?
  • Are there any changes I can make to how we work together?

Be ready to rephrase if needed. Some neurodivergent clients may not know what adjustments they need until they experience difficulty.

• Be Mindful with Open Questions.
  Open questions are common in coaching, but they can be overwhelming for some people. For example, the question “How are you today?” might trigger a long internal process of deciding what kind of answer is expected.

Instead, offer options:

• • Would you like to focus on A or B today?
  • Would it be more helpful to reflect on this now or later?

You can also summarise choices back to them to help with clarity.

• Consider Executive Function Challenges.
  Executive function refers to skills like planning, memory, time management, and organisation. These are often affected in neurodivergent individuals.

For example:

• • Working memory: A client might forget key parts of a conversation quickly.
  • Task initiation: They may struggle to get started, even on tasks they want to do.
  • Planning and prioritising: They might not know how to break a goal into steps.

Support might include using AI note-takers, providing written summaries, or co-creating simple strategies. Don’t just rely on verbal conversation.

• Think About Sensory Needs.
  Many neurodivergent people experience the world differently through their senses.

Consider:

• • Noise levels (in person or through headphones)
  • Lighting in the room
  • Whether a person prefers to move or stay still during a session

Offering choices about the environment helps reduce stress.

• Be Clear About Pauses and Silences.
  Some coaching models value silence for reflection. But for some clients, silence can feel confusing or uncomfortable. They may wonder if something went wrong.

Instead of silent pauses, say:

• • “I’m going to pause for a moment so we both have time to reflect.”

This signals that the silence has a purpose and puts the client at ease.

• Adapt the Way You Use Goals.
  Not every client responds well to SMART goals or action plans. For some, a goal can feel like pressure or create anxiety.

Be flexible:

• • Use themes, values, or intentions
  • Let them guide what success looks like
  • Allow the client to reflect on change in their own way

• Challenge Ideas About Timekeeping.
  Traditional work culture often values punctuality and strict time management. For some neurodivergent clients, arriving late or losing track of time is not about disrespect. It may reflect how their brain works.Avoid making assumptions. Focus on helping the client build systems that work for them, not judging them for what doesn’t.

• Watch Your Own Reactions

One small moment of judgment, even unintentional, can break trust. For example, if a client says they play a game like Candy Crush to get through boring meetings, and you raise your eyebrow, they may notice it.

Neurodivergent people are often highly aware of being judged. Coaches must be conscious of their own facial expressions, tone, and body language. Acceptance needs to be shown, not just said.

Why Psychological Safety Matters

More Neurodivergent leaders may have been told throughout their life that they are getting things wrong. This can create a state of hypervigilance. Small cues of disapproval can trigger feelings of shame or rejection.

Psychological safety in coaching is essential. It allows clients to be open, vulnerable, and honest. Without this, coaching becomes another place where they feel they don’t belong.

The Value of Using Psychometric Tools Like Facet5

Psychometric tools help both the coach and the client understand key personality traits. Tools like Facet5 can be especially useful when coaching neurodivergent leaders.

Here’s why:

1. It Focuses on the Person, Not the Label
   Facet5 looks at traits across five key factors: Will, Energy, Affection, Control, and Emotionality. It doesn’t label people but shows where their preferences and strengths lie. This supports a personalised approach.
2. It Helps Identify Strengths and Blind Spots
   A Facet5 profile can highlight areas where someone might need support and where they shine. For example, a person with low control might struggle with structure, while someone with high energy might thrive in fast-moving situations.
3. It Supports Self-Awareness
   When neurodivergent leaders see their Facet5 profile, it often helps them understand themselves more clearly. This can improve confidence and lead to better self-management strategies.
4. It Makes Coaching More Effective
   Facet5 allows coaches to tailor their approach. For instance, if someone struggles with emotional regulation (emotionality), the coach might take extra care with how feedback is delivered. If someone is low in Will, they might need more help identifying their own preferences.
5. It Encourages Conversations Without Judgment
   Facet5 presents information in a neutral way. It doesn’t pathologise traits but offers a clear picture of personality. This aligns with both neuro-affirming and neuro-inclusive values.

Coaching neurodivergent leaders is not about fixing people. It’s about meeting them where they are, understanding their needs, and supporting their growth. This takes awareness, openness, and a willingness to adapt. By creating both affirming and inclusive coaching environments, we give all leaders the chance to thrive.

Psychometric tools like Facet5 add an extra layer of support. They help coaches understand individuals beyond labels and offer a framework for personalised, respectful coaching. When used well, these tools help unlock the strengths of neurodivergent leaders and contribute to more inclusive leadership across organisations.

Watch the Full Facet5 Live Session: Leading with a Coaching Mindset

To hear more from Petra Holic as she takes a deeper dive into neurodiversity and how best to approach coaching neurodivergent leaders and managers:

👉 Watch Coaching Neurodivergent Leaders and Managers now on Facet5Global.com

You’ll learn more about:

• Recognising signs of neurodivergence (Hint: It’s not always visible!)
• Providing a neuro-inclusive and neuro-affirming coaching experience
• Adapting your coaching approach to fit the unique needs of each client or team member

Content for this blog post is taken from a recording of ‘Coaching Neurodivergent leaders and managers’. Hosted by Neurodiversity Specialist, Coach, Keynote Speaker, and Learning Consultant, Hayley Brackley.

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About Hayley Brackley

Hayley is a neurodiversity specialist coach and trainer. As an Associate Partner at Facet5 UK, she brings her expertise in creating workplaces that are truly neuro-inclusive. And allows each and every person to bring their best selves.

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